Geography is dumb

At least my geography is. "Okay, kids, now lets define "krill." WHAT DO KRILL HAVE TO DO WITH GEOGRAPHY?

Lets take today's lesson for example. I read lovely lesson, full of useful information on America's water ways.   Then, it hit me. Whoever named the rivers of America was really really REALLY unimaginative.

"Hey guys, I got an idea! Theres some Indians here, and they call themselves the Chuckles. The area around here is called the Chuckles. Lets call the river Chuckles!" Said Bart the Journeyman.
"Yeah!" "Here here!" chorused his crew.
"NO!"  screamed Randy. Everyone looked at Randy. Randy stuck his lip out defiantly.
"I think we should call it the Celery River." said Randy.
"And why do ya suppose that?" challenged Bart.
"Well, if we're using your logic, then It's becuase I like celery and we got to eat some celery, so lets call it the Celery river." said Randy. Bart mulled this over, which was very difficult for him.
"No. We'll call it the Chuckles river." said Bart. The rest of the crowd cheered.
"NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! I WON'T!" shouted Randy. Eventually, the crew got tired of Randy's raving and tied him up his a stalk of celery stuffed in his mouth. All Randy could think was the irony. 

No, lets consider the Red river. Ahem:

Bart was back at it. Naming rivers, I mean. He they were, in Texas, before a burbling BLUE river. Bart scratched his stubbly chin and said "We'll call it the Red River."
"But its blue!" shouted Randy.
"I don't care. I like red better than blue." said Bart. He wagged a sausage sized finger in Randy's face. A dog bit it off, thinking that it really was a sausage.
"Well, then we might as well name it the green river! Or the purple river!" protested Randy.
"Let's call it the brown river!" said Sven, Randy's cousin.
"Why would be name it the brown river?" said Bart, crinkling his nose.
"Well, just think. In a hundred years, the river will be all full of dirt and cow manure and trash and logs and children and fish and chairs and rafts and children and hair and old nasty sock and be turned brown!" said Sven. At the point Bart had had enough. He stuffed a nasty sock down Sven's throat and a child down Randy's.
"I'm namin' it the RED river." proclaimed Bart.